祝福我，不要轻视我

　　此刻的我心情很糟。

　　我目前正陷入忧郁中，每天几次都以泪洗脸。即使走在街上，回房的时候、吃饭的时候，眼泪就是很不听话地落下来。本以为我会很坚强，可是这几天在台南生活下来，我发现自己的脆弱，很脆弱的一面。和家人通电的时候，我是强忍着泪水，不让他们担心。

　　我不知自己为何会这个样子。我完全失去了信心和笑容，每日三餐都无法强迫自己咽下去，睡也睡不好，早上都是带着恐惧的心情起床。我真的很难过，就连此刻，我已经在电脑前流了30分钟的眼泪。

　　我知道同学们和教授们都很亲切很鼓励我，可是我就是无法鼓励自己。今早离开房间到图书馆走一趟的时候，我的心跳是加速的，心里有莫名的恐慌。

　　我不知自己能支撑多久，说是给自己一学期的时间适应，但我不知能不能好好地度过这个月。我知道要坚持，可是我发现自己的意志力已经越来越薄弱了。我正努力地找回信心和笑容。我也知道朋友们和家人都很鼓励我。我会尝试坚强地度过这个过渡期，不过如果我最后选择放弃的话，请祝福我，不要轻视我。

Updates in Tainan

Dear all,

Yes! I am finally able to email all of you now and update my well being. Well, have been in Tainan for 3 days. These 3 days seem to be very looooooooooong for me. On my 1st day, I was alone. At 1st, I thought there will be someone to guide me and show me the way, but that's not the case. No one helped me at all, I have walk all the way to buy the necessities (including
mattress) on my own.

Even on the 2nd day, I didnt know I need to register, until I went to another campus where I am suppose to be having lesson. The dept assistant was gd, she brought me back to the main campus to do registration. And I was so shocked to realise that I need to run around the campus to go to different depts to get the registration stamps from them. After that, She brought me to the Immigration agency to change my visa, and help me to inscribe a stamp. In taiwan, they won't recognize signature, all docs have to be endorsed by a stamp. I can only get my Resident card 14 days later and apply for a phone line.

Frankly speaking, I have been living in tears, even when I walked on the street, having my meal, sleeping, talking on the phone with my family members, was wondering whether I am having depression. Now then I realised I can be so vulnerable. I didnt even tell my family members about it, do not want to make them worry.

But I thank God for watching over me, and sending people along the way to help me. Though I fly to taiwan on 20th, but I was staying overnite at Yee Bee's sister house, and I thank God for that coz if I really travel to my campus in the nite, I have no place to sleep as there is no mattress, and the room was EXTREMELY dusty as if it has been unused for a few years. I am not joking, the dust on the floor was more than an inch high when swept. And the 1st nite, I
slept with a mask on. Even until now, the room is not entirely clean.

I also thank God for giving me encouraging and helpful classmates and teachers. Though I am losing total confidence in myself, but i told myself that I have to hang on.

On the 1st nite doing my devotion, God spoke to me in Hebrews chpt 10, talking about Faith. Yes indeed, I have no one to trust and depend on, except God. He has brought me so far from Spore to Taiwan, and I have to trust that He will watch over me, and He is always ahead of me. Though I been having permisstic thoughts, God always reminded me to trust in Him. I am still learning to be strong.

Though in your eyes, my situation may appear to be a minor one, but i am losing confidence day after day. I kindly seek your prayers that u will continue to pray for me:
1)To be able to adjust to the life in Taiwan.
2)Having the wisdom to deal with life and academic difficulties
3)Able to find a suitable church for worship
4)Room mates will be helpful and will be able to get along with.
5)Still having problems with the adminstration matters. Need to settle by Mar.
Pray that NIE will be willing to verify my cert and transcript ASAP and allow
my brother to appeal on my behalf.
6)Able to have gd nite sleep everyday. Have not been sleeping for 2 days due to
the noise in the toilet and corridor. My room is just next to the toilet.
7)To continue to trust in God and bring back my confidence in my daily life and
studies.

Thanks for praying with me.

In Him we trust,
Jutina

see me fly，i'm proud to fly up high

　　每天都在倒数，越加发现时间过得特别快。要离开生活了28年的土地到异乡去，无形中增加了一些恐慌，因为一切是个未知数。

　　平时一想到要单独出国旅行，就觉得这是不可能的事，反而现在是单独出国念书，而且一去就是两年。我忽然发现自己真的太勇敢了。一切似乎显得不可思议。

　　我想活到这把年纪，总要尝试点突破性的东西，这样对自己的人生也有一点交待。再过两个星期，自己将身在台南了。说不定我是系里最“老”的学生呢。那里的教授对于侨生似乎是相当期待的，而且也带有蛮高的期望，所以我也倍感压力，有点担心自己的表现没有他们想象的那么优秀。不过我从来不觉得自己优秀，所以还是说服自己带着平常心到台南去吧。

　　最近发现了一首歌，觉得很适合自己即将“远走高飞”的心情。

容祖儿《挥着翅膀的女孩》

当我还是一个懵懂的女孩
遇到爱不懂爱
从过去到现在
直到他也离开
留我在云海徘徊
明白
没人能取代他曾给我的信赖
see me fly
i'm proud to fly up high
不能一直依赖别人给我拥戴
believe me i can fly i am singing in the sky
就算风雨覆盖
我也不怕重来

我已不是那个懵懂的女孩
遇到爱用力爱
仍信真爱
风雨来不避开
谦虚把头低下来
像沙鸥来去填密
只为寻一个奇迹
see me fly
i'm proud to fly up high
生命已经打开
我要你总精彩
believe me i can fly
i am singing in the sky
你曾经对我说做勇敢的女孩

我盼有一天能和你相见
骄傲的对着天空说
世界乘你兜风
let me fly
i'm proud to fly up high
生命已经打开
我要哪种精彩
believe me i can fly
i am singing in the sky
你曾经对我说做勇敢的女孩
我不会孤单因为你都在